That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
