Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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