I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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