There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
