there's paper in my vomit.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize