That's when you crack a 10am beer
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
