At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize