Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
