24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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