She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
