First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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