found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
