winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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