She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
