I can text with my tongue
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
