you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
