well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
