He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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