their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up under a house in Key West
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
