And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
