My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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