just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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