Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
