This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
