Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
