Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have demons in me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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