Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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