in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
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