I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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