Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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