she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize