no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
