I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
