Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fill condoms, not promises.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
