Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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