Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
