I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
