just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize