Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
