come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
