It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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