how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
