In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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