oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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