i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
