just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
