We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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