Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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