he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
