I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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