I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
