I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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