i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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