I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
