Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
