Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i now understand why vodka
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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