At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
