It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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