I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
