i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
