what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
