What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
