He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
